Helpers are everywhere, but they’re falling in the river too

We all love a good metaphor…and in the social justice world, we love to invoke the “upstream” metaphor…where there is a rushing river of toxic sludge and people drowning in it while we as the helpers are on the shore trying to pull them out. Except wait! We also must pay attention further upstream to fix what is causing people fall into the river in the first place.

The good news: right now I see helpers everywhere.

The bad news: I see the helpers are exhausted and disconnected, many falling in the river themselves.

Where are you seeing yourself in this picture?

---

Hey, I can meme! Inspired by the Russian artist Gudim

“Rescued” by Wellness Culture

To continue this (super fun!) metaphor with my own flare, imagine this…you’re in the river and Wellness Culture cleverly disguised as self care swoops in to drop life rafts, except instead of life rafts, they are actually crappy pool floaties. Pool floaties shaped like bubble baths, spa weekends, and eating an entire pizza on a Friday night while mindlessly watching Netflix until you fall asleep on the couch (oops, that last one was a little too on the nose for me). But shoot, you also need to pay $100 for that pool floatie and it only fits one person. So they are inaccessible to most of us in the water anyway. Also wait! That pool floatie lasts about two minutes before it springs a leak and then you’re back treading water again as it disintegrates in front of you. You think you might be treading the toxic sludge of patriarchy, white supremacy, and capitalism forever…

But then, ahoy! You start to see real life rafts…solid enough to hold several people and bring them to shore. And whaaaat?! As people row them, the rafts leave the water cleaner, literally removing the toxicity like a filter. Once people reach shore, they are better equipped to work collectively to pull others out, remove barriers that keep certain people from getting out, plug the sources, and clean the river for the long term (cue shooting stars and rainbows).

Our Individual Actions Make Waves

We also like to think in the social change world that only large, sweeping actions will lead to the change we need to see, when in fact, it’s often a thousand tiny actions that build toward big shifts. As adrienne maree brown puts it, “what we practice at a small scale can reverberate at the largest scale.” This means that what gets us to shore, keeps us there, and gives us the energy to work toward our collective liberation is incredible and transformational. But it also requires us to sit in discomfort and do hard things. Things like:

• Practicing self-compassion and exploring what it’s like to get out of our heads and into our bodies so we can heal.

• Learning more about what boundaries we need to set for ourselves and others to be in alignment with our values, even if it means disappointing others. And then actually exert the boundaries…repeatedly. Ooof.

• Digging into how we want to show up in the world—how to use and share our power and be bold in standing up for what we know needs to be changed.

And dammit, it is HARD. It’s why so many people will get on the solid life raft, and then jump ship…because while what is on the shore will bring them liberation, it seems so much harder than treading the sludge. I get it. Even the act of writing this for me feels like a radical move toward the shore that is extremely uncomfortable. But a while ago I decided one of my acts of SELF care (notice the all caps) was to stop making myself small and invisible. So here I am…literally squirming in my seat at the idea of pressing “publish” on my first blog post. But here’s the joy…even if only one person reads this far and that’s my sister (hi, Katie! Thanks for being my biggest cheerleader!), I'm already at the shore. I did the hard thing by pressing publish. One act of a thousand tiny actions that will ripple far.

This is why I’m here to coach others who feel like they are struggling. Treading the sludge and endlessly using pool floatie after pool floatie to stay afloat will keep us in cycles that ensure we will never be able to see the shifts we need to see for our communities to thrive. In this way, each of us taking our own SELF care into our own hands is an act of liberation that will create a giant ripple of impact. If you are treading water or about to fall in, sign up for a FREE 20-minute wondering session to see if there’s a way to get you back on solid ground.

Get back on solid ground